Painful reality

Firstly, most of us are not aware how terrible breast engorgement can feel like. On top of the pain of episiotomy or caesarean stitches and other birth-related traumas, we are hit by this discomfort when we return home from hospital.

The agony is akin to being run over by a steam-roller and then having two hot, heavy steel orbs placed on your chest. Once I was caught stuck to my bed after waking up from a nap, not being able to move or even raise my voice to call for help.

Luckily I had my handphone and called my son who was downstairs to come to the rescue with a double dose of painkillers. But don’t be discouraged because breast engorgement is really a much-awaited sign that your milk production is in full gear. It only lasts a day or two, and if you faithfully stick to the advice given by your midwife, you will be fine. It is worth the pain, trust me.

Secondly, you are going to be inundated with lots of well-meaning but negative advice from relatives and friends. It takes a very strong, determined and self-assured woman to overcome them.

If all medical personnel tell you that breast milk is best, then why allow unqualified advice to dishearten you?

Perhaps our local culture and taboos place too much emphasis on the recovery of the new mother at the expense of the well-being of the baby. Malays, Chinese and Indians alike have a myriad of amusing old-wives tales and practices where the care of the new mother is concerned.

You may find that some of these beliefs and practices are handed down from your great-grandmothers. For example, my Chinese ancestors may be able to go without a bath or shampoo for weeks or stay cooped up in a room with no air-conditioner or fan because they probably lived in the northern part of China where it must have been freezing cold.

My advice is to listen to your body and trust your own maternal instincts. Remember to place your baby’s health ahead of yours. Women in developed countries do not treat themselves like a piece of crystal after childbirth. Neither do women in undeveloped countries.

I have read with amusement how women lost their self-confidence as they aged and blamed breastfeeding and sagging breasts for failing to capture their husbands’ interests.

I even came across a hilarious letter in a magazine in which a woman wrote in to ask the doctor for advice on how to stop her breast-milk because her husband wanted to claim back his properties!

The act of feeding your baby is not exactly the most seductive pose. New mothers may have some inhibitions about transforming themselves from being a desirable woman into a milk-producing mammal.

New fathers, take note of this crucial tip. Never joke with a hormone-laden, sensitive new mother, no matter how supportive and loving you are, that she resembles the bovine species.

I remember my husband cracked this joke about me when I had my firstborn. He brought this bundle of nerves, who was bawling for milk, and said something like: “There, go find your moo-moo cow”. Not only did I bawl along with my baby, I also boycotted feeding my son from then on.

Of course, now I do not feel sensitive about any joke because I know that my ability to nurture my own flesh and blood is more important than anything else.