Looking back, I was seven when my father died. Being 10 to 14 years younger than my older siblings, I was terrified of all the goings-on because everyone in the family, especially my mother, cried almost continuously. I did not know why everyone was acting like that and could not understand why they were so sad.

Until today, I can still remember vividly the uncomfortable sack-cloth mourning clothes I had to wear and the long distance I had to walk to the cemetery. I can even remember the smell of the hurricane lamps that we lit every night.

I have a friend who lost her sibling when she was small and her family life changed dramatically after that. Another friend related to me that her older sister had died when she was a newborn but her parents did not tell her about this dead sibling. When she was an adult, she started having dreams of a baby in the ICU. Though some quarters may view this as a visitation from her dead sister, I believe she may have heard a lot about her dead sibling when she was small and only started recalling it as an adult.

I know several bereaved parents who would often remind their children of an older sibling who had passed away. Even though their children were not born yet when this older sibling died, they made sure that the older sibling was often in their conversation and given a place in their hearts.

Based on my own childhood experiences and that of others, I always urge my friends who are bereaved mothers to pay special attention to their other children. Never tell a child that their loved one died because a Higher Being has taken the person back. Never give the young child an impression that the person died because he/she was too old, too sick, in too much pain, etc. The child may be terrified of death and of the Higher Being because of this wrong interpretation. Also, avoid telling a small child that grandma has gone into a deep sleep and will not wake up again. The child will feel insecure and may think that you have died each time he sees you sleeping.

Though it is hard to explain to very small children, it can also be hard to deal with older children. Children at a certain age may not be as inquisitive or ask innocent questions like younger children.

I always remind my two older children about their maternal grandma and ask them if they still remember the times they spent with her. Giving them a chance to talk will reveal the feelings hidden in their hearts. At the same time, we often joke about their baby brother Vincent. I reassure them that Vincent is indeed in a wonderful place and independent with wings to fly.

It is unfortunate that my two older sons, Jeffrey and Michael, had to experience so many losses of loved ones at such a young age. However, I believe that they will grow up to be very calm and wise adults as a result of what they have been through.

Though loved ones who are left behind may mourn and grieve, and though the parting is extremely painful, it is made bearable with faith. The promise of being reunited one day will keep the grieving party going, though the journey may be difficult.

Not everyone can see death as this simple transition but I have encountered so many losses in my own life and that of others, that I have learnt to accept it that way.