I suggested that she allow her children to talk and express their feelings as much as they like. Two months later, my friend was very surprised when her three-year-old boy brought up the subject again. He told her that he was very sad because grandma had died and he could not see her anymore. She encouraged him to say what was on his mind and assured him that it was all right to feel sad and to miss grandma.

Her little boy was given lots of cuddles and hugs to make him feel secure. She also told her son that though grandma was not around, he could still love and remember grandma in his heart, and see her photos. The boy was comforted to see my friend wearing his grandma s bracelet.

My three older children encountered a death much worse than losing their grandmothers or teacher: they lost their baby brother, Vincent. They were in Penang while Vincent and I were in Kuala Lumpur when it happened. At that time, I prepared myself with my most composed voice and told them individually over the phone.

As they had not anticipated Vincent s death, I had to find the most acceptable explanation for them. I told them that their little brother had decided that he wanted to go to Heaven and play. When we brought his body back, all my three children had no qualms or fear, and took turns to carry the little body to the funeral parlour.

However, during the funeral, my sons were terribly sad and one of them cried inconsolably. My husband and I were then too emotional to explain further or talk to them. Luckily, their trusted paediatrician was there to comfort them by telling them that Vincent was now a happy angel in Heaven and was playing with all the cute little angels. They witnessed the cremation ceremony and the scattering of the ashes at sea the following day. Children being children, they had a good time travelling in the sampan and enjoyed the trip without feeling too sad about scattering the ashes.

My husband and I had to put aside our emotions and concentrate on making sure that our three children had plenty of things and activities to keep them entertained. Though they did see me crying at times, they coped pretty well.

However, we mention Vincent in our conversations each day and, on special occasions, my children would release helium balloons and make wishes for Vincent.

After the arrival of another baby, Matthew, we continued to make Vincent a part of the family. My seven-year-old son, David, would often pray and ask God to let Vincent go to His giant castle and play in the giant playground. David also asked me how he was to supposed recognise Vincent if he ended up going to Heaven when he was an old man.