What is bullying?

Bullying can range from teasing to name calling, from spreading nasty rumours about someone to threats of intimidation or actual physical aggression.

The effect of bullying

There is no doubt that for some children and young people that bullying, however defined, represents the most stressful experience of their lives. Some fear it so much that they refuse to go to school or find excuses to avoid situations where bullying can occur. At the most extreme level bullying can, on rare occasions, lead to a suicide attempt. This is why it has to be taken very seriously indeed.

The victim

Clearly, some children and young people are more likely to be the victims of bullying than others. Those with an obvious physical characteristic, such as being overweight, can become targets of bullying, as can those with some form of disability. Those who are shy or diffident, or who find it hard to stand up for themselves may also be vulnerable. However, it is worthwhile remembering that institutions such as schools, prisons and other residential environments can do an enormous amount to reduce bullying, so that in some places even the most vulnerable will be protected. Bullying is not inevitable. One of the problems for victims of bullying is that very often such individuals feel ashamed of what is happening - and blame themselves. It is here that friends and important adults have such a key role to play. Victims of bullying need support to see that it is not their fault. They are not to blame, and something can be done to help them.

The bully

When bullying occurs most of the attention is focused, not surprisingly, on the victim. However, we do need to pay attention to the bully as well. Not all bullies are the same; research has shown that there are differences between the ringleaders, the ‘henchmen’, and the silent observers. For adults who work with young people it is sometimes useful to distinguish these groups - and to target any interventions with those who have most influence on the bullying behaviour. Bullies are often people who have been bullied themselves, and may therefore be vulnerable and angry. A lot can be done to help such young people deal with their pain and avoid bullying others.

What can adults do to help?

Adults can do an enormous amount to help, although sometimes it’s difficult to be clear how to proceed. Firstly, if your child is showing signs of stress and you aren’t sure what’s going on, be aware that bullying may be one possible cause. Secondly, you should know that all schools are required to have an anti-bullying strategy in place. As a parent you can find out if this is working, and if not, get support from other parents to insist that it does. Thirdly, if you do find out that your son or daughter is being bullied, offer your help, but be sensitive to their needs too.

Simply rushing in to the school and demanding action from the Head is not necessarily the best tactic.

Young people will be very anxious about any move a parent might make, and will often fear reprisals from the bullies or their friends if any action is taken by the school. The best thing to do is to talk things over with the child or young person and plan a strategy that suits them. This may involve getting support from friends, or other parents. It may involve a quiet talk with a trusted teacher. It may even involve thinking about a change of school. The most important thing of all is for a parent to offer support to the child or young person in a way that feels right for them.

Read the full text from :http://www.childrenfirst.nhs.uk/families/childdev/teenagers/bullying.html