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Post-natal blues – Mothers’ views – Part 6

lilian — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:46:10 +0000

Maybe I have gone off topic a little. There really is such a condition as pregnancy blues or pre-natal depression. It is a medical condition and if it is severe, I guess the pregnant mom ought to bring this matter to her ob-gyn attention. In this situation, the world around her is still ‘normal’ but the hormones upset made her think and feel otherwise.

However, there can also be situations where the matter is not related to the pregnancy but probably the problems exist with or without baby/pregnancy. In this case, I guess MMB hasn’t come to the level of marriage counselling yet.
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Lilian

Post-natal blues – Mothers’ views – Part 4

lilian — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:45:25 +0000

About the question on whether husbands get less loving with each child, I would say that it has to do with that woman’s self-esteem. Even if she is still 36, 24, 36, (inches lar, not age) she will still have her doubts if she choose to think that she is not measuring up to her husband/friends/publics expectation. For women like these, nothing can help them except themselves. Not Marie France, not botox, not plastic surgery. Do you all get sick of reading those Speaking Up/Dear Thelma letters that say, I am fat, I am black, I am short…….?’ If I am the person answering, I will tell them -even if God gives you thinner body/fairer skin/ taller (whatever they wish for), they will still find something they are not satisfied with.

Sorry, got a bit carried away with self-esteem stuff. Want to know how men feel about getting more and more kids? Read Today’s Parents June issue. I enjoyed knowing what En. Idris feels (his original interview reply was much, much longer) about getting more kids. My conclusion is – men enjoy having lots of kids! Even my very reluctant husband (whom prefer only one kid) dreams of having lots of grandchildren in future!
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Lilian

Post-natal blues – Mothers’ views – Part 3

lilian — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:45:04 +0000

We should practice a healthy lifestyle so that we can live a long healthy productive life. It should not be done to please someone else. It is actually not very difficult to maintain a healthy weight as long you care for yourself. What you eat is very important. If you care for your body & mind, you should consume healthy food. This should go hand in hand with REGULAR exercise. Eat everything moderately.

I lost 40lbs in 1 1/2 yrs thru healthy eating & exercise. Manage to do it while bf my 2nd boy (bf him without formula for 2 1/2 yrs). We should not go into fad diets as you will not be able to maintain the weight loss for long. I am still maintaining my target weight for 2 yrs now. Since losing the weight I am healthier, have more energy with my boys & my outlook in life has certainly changed for the better.

-Sheela

Post-natal blues – Mothers’ views – Part 2

lilian — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:44:45 +0000

Men think differently from us. They are always like that. First time, very “kan cheong” second time around, ai! ya! normal only……………..
Don’t let their insensitiveness hurts you.
Except for the few lucky ones , most of us grow one size bigger after pregnancy and have many unsightly scratch marks. After giving birth, go for sensible healthy meals and appropriate exercise. Yo! Sheela, tips need here! Regular exercise and good eating habits will take us a long way to achieve our desired body weight. Plus, our work coupled with the children, bf, the household chores and all is enough to make anyone lost weight!
And I do think, physical attractiveness alone is not the most important thing in a marriage. No matter how slim and pretty we are, there’ll be younger and prettier girls than us. The key to a happy marriage got to be communication. Don’t let work, children and other commitments take precedence over private time with your DH. The changes that occur after bb arrives are inevitable. However, we should take the changes in stride and learn to cope with them effectively without compromising on our relationship with each other.
Perhaps, Cleya, you could tell your friend not to worry so much about the pregnancy blues, just relax concentrate on child no.1 and enjoy this special time.

Nice to have you on board,
Jennifer

Post-natal blues – Mothers’ views

lilian — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:44:23 +0000

My girlfriend is pregnant with her second one and she was commenting on how disappointed she is with DH this time around – he has been so busy with work that he has been rather insensitive to her pregnancy this time around.

I am trying for our second one, but it sounds a little scary. Everything is so settled now, and DH is just ‘perfect’ – well as much as i can realistically hope. He seems excited about another one, but are they really able to share the excitement as they did with the first one?

I know some women worry about their hubbies thinking them fat, or not sexy enough – but that seems like a first time pregnant thingy. After one, we know how DH is about such issues. Aren’t pregnancy worries different when it’s the next one? I stand back and wonder if he will understand that so many things will be different, what about housework ? Finances? And I’m not even pregnant yet! Will looking fat still be a worry? Am i normal or worrying too much?

Confinement practice/post-natal rituals – Part 11

lilian — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:43:27 +0000

I think confinement is a good time for mums to rest, but without all the pantang larang. Would have love to have someone do all the work for me and just breastfeed the baby and sleep with them, but all the CLs that I talked to wasn’t supportive of breastfeeding, so I decided to go solo.

I didn’t follow any of the pantang larang, bcos my mum didn’t, and her mum didn’t either Seriously, I can’t find a good reason to, and not bathing is definitely something I can’t do. After having Leonard, it was heat wave season, and after bathing with warm water, it was still so warm that I bathed with cold water after that. Took too much chocolate after having #3 and had bad constipation

My mum helped me with Leonard for 1 week, and after that I went home bcos her house is sooooo hot, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
So with all 3, I basically stayed home with the baby myself, and sometimes DH will bring food back, sometimes I cook myself. Do other things also like laundry, watch tv, surf the net, bathe the baby, ironing clothes and go shopping. Have to climb staircase also cos I live on the 4th floor with no lift, and carry the baby myself.

So far so good, no aches in my body that did not come from something I overdid or strained myself.

I think taking the heaty stuff that makes us sweat is for the body to produce more milk, since the breast glands are modified sweat glands. I did take some Chinese tea during a dinner during the confinement month, and I could see it reduce my breast milk. Took nasi briyani and boomed the supply shot up again. Must be all the herbs in the rice.

My MIL followed all the pantang larang diligently for all her 13 kids, but still got arthritis and all sorts of aches in her legs and hands. So IMHO, we can rest all we want, but if we still have to wash clothes, mop the floor, cook and iron and do everything else for the next 40-50 years of our lives after and while having the kids, we’re bound to ache.
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Mom to Leonard (17/05/00), Lucas (28/11/01) and Laurenz (21/06/03).

Confinement practice/post-natal rituals – Part 10

lilian — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:43:04 +0000

I heard from someone before, the reasons why women in confinement were asked not to shower, and to wear few layers of clothes, etc. and it was exactly the same as what Min has explaining, i.e. they were practiced in China in the old times, and probably passed down to our grandmas, and mas, and now, us.

Anyway, Min, I did the same exact thing with my second child. I didn’t hire a CL because the first one stressed me out! Was not a supporter of BF either, curi curi give my elder daughter formula! This time, I just taught my maid how to cook the chicken with the wine. Black Chicken with herbs. And to boil red date water everyday. Veges, I still consume as per normal, and papayas everyday to avoid constipation and to boost milk supply. And two weeks postnatal, after feeding the baby, I went to 1 Utama with my elder child and have a nice 2 hours there, sipping hot chocolate and window shopping.
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Moommy to two little ladies (3yrs & 13mths).

Confinement practice/post-natal rituals – Part 8

lilian — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:41:43 +0000

A lot of the confinement practice (I’m talking about Chinese confinement practice lah) is probably brought from China where it is cold and during times when there was no running water and water heater. Also, the 30 days after childbirth was the only time a woman gets to be pampered and given nutritious food. Dulu dulu, the men get all the good food and the women get leftovers ma. That practice wasn’t so long ago, especially with the “pendatang baru” (new immigrants from China) in the 1920′s. In modern times, I believe the confinement practice is to get new moms to rest and not be gallivanting about town ‘coz they’re feeling lighter and has a sudden burst of energy!

I like the idea of getting help in the first month. However, we live in the tropics and there is running hot water, so why cannot shower? Cannot eat vege. for a month! Get constipated? I think that’s even more unhealthy than being afraid of getting “wind”! I believe in moderation and working with the baby’s rhythm. Shower and wash hair with warm water, eat lots of veg and drink lots of water and everything else. I liked drinking the date drink ‘coz I thought it helped with my milk supply.

I had a confinement lady after I delivered Laura. Very quickly I made her understand that I was the boss and laid out what I expected and the way I wanted things done. I was to breastfeed my daughter (as it turned out it was EBM in the first month) and that she would be with me 24-7. However, when Laura pooped, I handed to her lor I wore T-shirt and sarong around the house and wore slippers. I was living in a double-storey house then, so showered every day and washed my hair too. My confinement lady boiled some herbal stuff for me to bathe every few days. As if she didn’t know I showered lah. She didn’t dare say anything. DH was in a theatre production soon after I delivered, so when Laura was jaundiced and had to see a doc when 4 days old, I drove my confinement lady to the hospital. I stayed with Laura in the hospital so I can express for her. The CL couldn’t bring food to me, so I had to eat hospital food isn’t it? Survive ok lah….

When with Adam, I decided not to hire a CL ‘coz I got fed up with CLs when the first one got drunk at Laura’s full moon party. I got the chinese sinseh to put together some stuff to balance out the Yin and Yang in my body and taught me maid what to do. Instructed my maid to cook with rice wine, ginger and sesame oil. Taught her to boil the dates drink every day for a month. Cooked veg as per normal and to double boil herbs for me once a week 2 weeks after delivery. Made a conscience effort to rest when the baby rest but was out of the house before 30th day. Coincidentally, DH was again involved in a theatre production soon after Adam was born, so I did the marketing with my maid.

Min

Confinement practice/post-natal rituals – Part 9

lilian — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:41:17 +0000

I find this topic very interesting. Cause I really wants to know should we or should we not. I read up a lot on this issue but in the end still cannot find the answer.
For my confinement, I was not allow to wash hair for 30 days. No vege. for 30 days. Cannot eat anything cold , no plain water and the list goes on. I was “confined” to my house for 2 months! I drank a lot kunyit water. So, you can imagine how I look. My hair looked a mess, I smell like a salt fish and my teeth has a yellowish stains! As I cope in the house the whole day alone with BB and MIL , I gone a bit “crazy”.
When the elderly make us go thru confinement practise, it is actually because they love us and wants the what they believed the best for us. However, this sometimes makes life a bit susah-loh. So, for my future confinement, I think I’ll will follow moderately. Take bath and wash hair but only with warm water, drink plenty of red dates water, take plenty of rest, go out if I need to. In short, we just have to make our own judgement, what to follow and what not.

Jennifer

Confinement practice/post-natal rituals – Part 7

lilian — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:40:50 +0000

My family very believe in Chinese medicine healing, so from young I’ve been educate to practice Chinese medicine, after all it been practice for 2000 years, but I also live in modern world, so now I have my own judgement on when to use Chinese medicine and when I need to see doctor.
I follow most of the confinement practise by after consult a ‘shin se”, I bath and wash my hair with herbs, took a lot boiling plain water, red date water, ginger water, eat a lot ginger, and Appeton C18, B complex, and strictly no carry heavy stuff and not walk too much ( for the womb not to drop, yes, I believe that).
I believe all this really help me on my health, at least after my confinement I have very good complexion, even though I’m tired and run down by the girls.
the “shin se’ said even though if you don’t take a lot red date or ginger those thing, as long you rest well, and take a lot vitamins supplement, you’ll still doing well.
I have to said Malaysian is very lucky, we have all sort of healing, supplement for us to choose, Chinese, Malay, Indian, Western, sometime even though we already mix those method but we don’t realise it, like urut during confinement, how many mat saleh know about this? so, I’ll just follow it, and like my mom said because Chinese mom had confinement, that’s why we don’t age so fast like westerners, my mom no scientist, she can’t prove that, but being a good girl, I always listen to what my mom said .
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Maria (mother of twin girls–Isabelle & Annabelle, born 25th Nov 2002)